Practicing the Present

Present:   being, existing, or occuring at this time now.
In this crazy, 24/7, non-stop media, facebook, twittering frenzy world it is hard sometimes not to be distracted.  Incredibly hard sometimes.  Add something difficult in life and become even more scattered or frenzied.  There have been times in my life where I have been completely fractured and really only paying attention to the distractions.  And there have been times when I've been completely self-obsessed to the point of not being able to hear the other person who is in the room.   There have also been times where my pain was louder than anything else. It's those times that being present with what is actually brings more peace than trying to out-think, solutionize or rationalize.

Coming from those experiences, I have learned to watch out for different things and practice being present for each and every moment.  When I am in conversation with someone and my brain is rattling off things that I want to say or comments or being whitty or sarcastic, if I can stop and pause for a moment before I say something, I am more aware of my ego trying to speak.  Instead of obsessively thinking about a problem, I find some gratitude for what I currently have in my life.  When I am unhappy or angry with a situation, I step back and look at it and ask myself "Am I frustrated because I am afraid and responding from a place that doesn't have anything to do with today?"  Taking that pause, stepping back, doesn't make me ineffective, it creates space for me to pay attention to what is going on right at that moment.  And it gives me space to respond differently and look differently at my current set of circumstances.  If I take a moment to pause, I become more aware of what is and not what things should be.   In yogic philosophy this is the practice of Santosha or contentment.  And sometimes, what is is not such a bad place to be.  

Awake (Wednesday morning poetry)

Awake

Awake:

Perchance to not dream.

What if what appears is

An illusion created?

Fear molded complicity

Fables taught as facts

Perceptions as reality

All lies.

Waking up to dream:

As, what is appearance,

Creation of false reality,

Sparks the light inside

Emerging to awaken the flame

Of our collective consciousness

And set our souls on fire.

@2012 Jennie Olson Six

Sidelined

NewYorker

 So, very painfully, I crept into a new chiropractor's office last week. No physical yoga practice for 10 days.  And when I start again, it won't look like anything that I've been practicing.  No, this is called slow progress back.  And it was time to take the practice of yoga from one of the eight-limbs and reflect on the other 7 and how I’m practicing or not practicing.  For those not familiar, there's a great article from Yoga Journal about it:
1.  Yamas - this is how we practice off the mat with others.  There are five of them:
Ahimsa: nonviolence =  I pushed and ignored my body, and my body-workers recommendations and didn't do some much needed self-care.
Satya: truthfulness = Was I lying to myself about how things were affecting me?
Asteya: nonstealing = Am I'm stealing someone's time by not following good advice, procrastinating, time wasting, etc.
Brahmacharya:  the idea of walking like God.   Am I doing that in my actions with others or am I feeding my ego or having thoughts that do not serve?
Aparigraha: non-hoarding, not grasping.  This has literally manifested in the right side of my back. My right hand literally grips.  What am I gripping and holding onto so tightly?  What do I need to let go of?
2.  Niyamas - self-discipline and spiritual observances.  There are five of these.
Saucha: cleanliness = What am I putting into my body?  Am I putting in sugary foods to make me feel good?
Samtosa: contentment.  Am I present with today?  Can I cultivate gratitude for what I have right now?
Tapas: heat; spiritual austerities.  Ahh, what is also known as the friction of conflict.  Sitting right in the middle of this right now.
Svadhyaya: Self-study, reading of the sutras, mantras.  Suddenly I have way more time for this.  But self-study is not limited to reading of these books, it’s the application of this.  Taking time to reflect, taking an inventory of my life and thoughts at this moment.
Isvara pranidhana: Surrendering to God.  Some people reading this will know a whole bunch about this.  Surrendering to what is.    To sit before a teacher and learn.  The understanding that you are a small part in a greater universe.
3.  Asana. (physical posture practice)  This one is out.
4.  Pranayama - breathwork.  Thought I'd actually try and practice that 45 minutes a day BKS Iyengar suggests but he also said if there is a back issue don't do it.
5. Pratyahara - withdrawl of the senses.  First stages of a meditation practice.  Why yes, I have time for a daily practice now.  Simply closing the eyes.
6.  Dharana – focused attention. Another phase of meditation practice, focusing on an object, diety or mantra.  Keeping the focus regardless of noise outside or a noisy fly. 
7.  Dhyana – meditation.  The prior two get us in the arena.  This is staying in the arena.  Staying with the stillness.  
8.  Samadhi –  Deep down, we all want peace.  This is the realization and experience of that peace.   While vigorous asana practice has brought me to this place, as my teacher says, don’t grasp onto that as the goal everytime.  Because you may not get there.  So it becomes the practice.    So I bring myself to the mat or cushion, with the idea that I may not get here.  This is the discipline.  

So out of this, stems a new appreciation for my practice.  It is also making me a better teacher as I can't physically demonstrate so I get to explain things really well.  And I get the opportunity to walk around more and physically adjust people rather than get caught up in demonstrating. 

Paper Stars

Paper Stars

We were making paper stars:

 Some were almost perfect. 

Others reflected the unsteadiness

 of 8 year old wobbly hands with child-safe scissors. 

And with each imperfection the delight of the task slowly faded. 

We would not have perfection.
We would have almost good enough,

A chip away at a much bigger idea.

The idea of not good enough. 

In these years of living there

That idea became a mantra of

Disappointment turned inward

Of it’s ok and shouldn’t have expected so much

Turning dark on the inside

And waiting for something better to happen

That never did

In the light of imperfection

Everyone seems happier than you.

But no one needs to point out

8 year old imperfections

Only delights and beauty and wonder

Of how these things come to be

The perfection of being imperfect

in the creation of anything

for the delight and enjoyment of creation.

For where would we be if we did not look up and wonder

And then create reflections of what we have seen.

@2012 Jennie Olson Six

Opehqueh

The word Opehqueh in Nahualt tongue means "they began."  This is the name that some incredible ladies  (Marisol Best and Crystal Mercado) chose for their project that I am SO excited to be a part of.   The short version is that we are an ensemble group creating a piece about the effects of technology.  This started in March of this year with a group from San Diego Junior Theatre.  They had about 13 pages of a script from that process.  What our part looks like is a lot of improv, writing, discussing and eventually, a reading.  It has been SO fun being a part of this process.  Saturdays rehearsal was spent sitting on bean bag chairs, improving a scene between our main characters, and eventually writing what inspired us from that rehearsal.  I think the freeing part of this, for me as a writer, is that I don't have to come up with or create a finished product all by myself.   Really, it's put ideas down, let others run with it.  It's been very exciting to be a part of the process in a group setting, where we talk about what works, what doesn't, does it fit, does it make sense, and having more heads than one is a great place to be.   Stay tuned: we have a deadline of a performance date for a staged reading of this piece on August 11th! 

The condensed version

Last time we talked, it was before I went to Alaska.  If you want the idea of how it went check out the Fringe Board, yeah, they read my play.  I read some other wonderful plays for some talented playwrights.  I also got really sick.  Like food poisoning teeth chattering sick.  But life-changing, yes.  I came back with a different set of eyes and a different outlook on my career. 

Taking more time to write.  Less time to do the social media thing.  Which is why I'm opting for internet free weekends.  It's still a little rough but I'm finding myself spending more time with friends and less time chasing down their updates and cute sayings.  I've cooked dinner twice for friends and actually written a rough outline for a screen-play, revised a couple of shorts and found more opportunities for work that pays and lets me do what  I love.  Yeah, bonus. 

A year ago, today, I said this quote along with some other stuff, in front of a bunch of people, to a person, and I meant every word I said:

“Love is the ultimate outlaw. It just won't adhere to any rules. The most any of us can do is to sign on as its accomplice. Instead of vowing to honor and obey, maybe we should swear to aid and abet. That would mean that security is out of the question. The words "make" and "stay" become inappropriate. My love for you has no strings attached. I love you for free.”
― Tom Robbins, Still Life With Woodpecker 

First year is paper.  Paper Covers Rock.   Enough said. 

Barefoot

Barefoot

Barefoot

In my mom’s friend’s backyard

Tall weeds

Unfinished construction

Dirty rusted nail in wood

Now in my foot

Remembering

Tetanus shot

Blood

Cockroach infested kitchen

Unclean

Poverty

We bond with each other

Over bloody feet

Circumstances into which we’re born

Methods we used to cope

Until that turned to addictions

Without the benefit of recovery

Taking new lives down the same paths

Of unclean

Impoverished realities

Recreating circumstances

As if there were nothing else available

When we know the truth

There are other times

When we have walked

Clean grass under feet

Smell of crisp wet summer

Happy

Fearless

Without shame

Barefoot.

 @jennieolsonsix 2012