Fires

I'm not sure how to start this one.  I have been on my spiritual enlightenment quest for a really long time.  Looking here and there.  Finding this and that.  Practicing my yoga on and off the mat.  And I have been guilty of becoming very preachy in my "enlightened positive thinking."  What I mean by that is when someone is going through a difficult time is giving a "boost" to their "mood" by encouraging (replace this word with overwhelming, reaffirming, reiterating) some sort of "think on the bright side" or "I'm there for you" or "find some gratitude" or "things will get better."  And while yes, sometimes people need to remember that or do those things, most of the time, what they need is to be listened to.   For a long time, I didn't get that.  I thought that my "wisdom" should be shared, especially if you were having a tough time with this life. 
Doesn't it tell us that life doesn't give you more than you can handle?  The universe is there for you, you just need to connect to it?  If we change the way we think we can change everything?

I do believe all of these things to be true.  Yes, we can change our lives by changing our thoughts and the power of the universe, the creative energy that created each of us is based in love and wisdom.  There have been really terrible times that I have made it through. 

But what I don't believe anymore is that a person in the middle of a crisis, let's say, a child who has been molested by a friend, a car accident leaving them with life altering injuries, a long and painful death of someone from a deadly disease, needs me to blow sunshine up their you know what.  They are in the middle of what I believe is FIRE.  Yes, we can call it the fire of transformation, the alchemy of changing one to the other, etc but it is essentially fire.  Oversimplifying is dangerous.  It leaves the person who is in the middle of fire feeling as though their thoughts and feelings are falling on deaf ears. 
And alone. 
Listening is something that I have been working on for a long time. 
When I had my house flood and become unsellable, my Grandmother have a stroke that would lead to the end of her life and "the one" tell me he wanted to end our relationship and quitting my job before I had another one in place in the span of a two week period of time, I was on fire.  And I was on fire because I had been telling myself that the universe would give me everything I wanted and then this happened. 
My experience has only given me the ability to see that what you walk through is fire. 
What I've seen sometimes in the yoga community and other spiritual communities is that we still have a tendency to grasp onto those "religious" ideas of blame and guilt:  "Well, they must have been holding some negative thought patterns;  She must have powerful samskaras; The universe must have something else for them in mind; They must be grasping on for so little when the Universe/God has everything to give them."

People walking through fire need fire extinguishers.  Those are listening ears.  Those are people saying "feel your feelings, call anytime you want to talk, I can't imagine what that feelings like and I am so sorry but I am here to listen, is there anything I can do for you today to help you out in anyway."  There's still going to be on fire, they're still going to burn, but understanding this comes a long way.  I didn't need someone telling me of all the mistakes I had made that led me to this point.  I didn't need to hear that things would get better.  How was my Grandmother dying going to get better?  It was a life experience that was painful.  Yes, she had a good long life, she was loved and loving, but really, she was dying and it was sad and it sucked.  I didn't need a metaphor for life interjected or a "this too shall pass."  I did, however, have a lot of people around who also were following the same path who attentively listened, gave affirmative prayer and acknowledged the truth of my feelings and my situation. 

Listen.....it's the most important practice that can be done.

Poetry

Many times in a yoga class I have either read poetry or quotes or had poetry read to me.  I went on Friday to an amazing slam poet Buddy Wakefield whose work really touches my soul.
 The past few days, that experience included, has really brought me into a new frame of consciousness.  I'm shifting paradigms here don't get crazy about the twenty-cent words, it's just a new shift and the last time I shifted and felt this sense of awe and wonder and excitement the world smashed and it was a little bloody and broken.  And I don't think it was that I was in line for the punishment and the karma but the universe had something bigger in mind and I was settling for the great un-great.   If you've ever settled for some great un-great, mediocrity doesn't describe it but good enough with bandaids stuck to it and some toothpicks holding it together with the smiles and nods you're getting from someone who you want to love you sounds familiar then you know what I'm talking about in this long sentence.  So the rubble which was my house upon the sand became the pathway to the place I stand today.  With the universe saying here's some new shoes and a key chain and a light, the rest is golden, enjoy the new ride. 

There is a universal song that is being sung in various notes and to various keys.  And I think we're listening in.  I think we're tuning in because it plays the chords on the strings that are found in the fibers of our very being and so we know the song to be true. Laugh, breathe, believe.....

Ideas for Peacemaking - as taken from the Peace Alliance Newsletter

Three Suggestions for Peacemaking in Your Own Life

1. If you have any internal judgements of anybody, politically or in your life, notice any judgments of “wrong or bad.” Then connect, “what are the deeper needs of mine behind those judgements?”
2. When you have disagreement with what others are saying (with politicians and media pundits, for example), see if you can empathize with the needs they are trying to meet, and see if there are ways you can relate to them.
3. If you are talking to someone who is expressing judgments -- that you either agree or disagree with -- try to reflect back and empathize with some of their needs.

These are paraphrased from Nonviolent Communication (NVC) facilitator John Kinyon.

Out with the old - in with the new?

One Love Newsletter 2011
As I reflect back on the past year there are more than a few things I've learned:

1.  I can do a lot.
2.  I get burned out doing a lot.
3.  I don't have to do everything.
4.  Sometimes opportunities arise and I don't necessarily have to take them.
5.  I would rather have peace that be "productive."
6.  I don't know when my last good-bye to someone is.
7.  I make up the rules most of the time and then I have to live by them.
8.  If I want more time with my friends or family, I have to give up something else, and this shouldn't be a hard choice.  Either way, I win.
9.  Maybe if I make my list smaller, I'd allow myself the opportunity to fully and completely dedicate myself to a task and feel more confident about my choices.
10.  Maybe if I look at my choices, I'd feel more confident about my life.
11.  Maybe if I feel confident about my life, I don't have to question my choices.
12.  If I believe in a universe that has a certain order to it and is constantly adjusting to that order, I wouldn't question those weird instances but look at them as "adjustments" to bring about a change.
13.  Maybe I could stop questioning the process and trust more.
14.  If I trust more, peace is in the process.

15.  This list could go on forever but it won't.

Happy New Year.

When you have come to the edge of all the light you have
And step into the darkness of the unknown
Believe that one of the two will happen to you
Either you'll find something solid to stand on
Or you'll be taught how to fly!

—Richard Bach

Christmas thoughts

A complicated time of year.   I went into a store yesterday and became very, very, present.  I made my way slowly, patiently and carefully through a crowded parking lot and a crowded store.  I watched as people often mindlessly rushed through, if you weren't watching where they were going, they were going to run into you.  And then there were those that were not mindless but intentionally "I will mow you down to get through this store."

I saw a quote today on Judith Hanson Lasater's Facebook Page "No one has to change for you to be happy.

What I saw was a lot of people.  A lot of different people.  There for different reasons.  Some a little more miserable than others.  But a lot of people similar to me, politely making their way through a very busy store.  When there's more of us around, we can see bad behavior.  But we can also see our inner light.  The ones saying "excuse me" or smiling or allowing people to cut ahead in line when they have fewer items.  It's been my experience that whenever I feel like that I'm not going to get what I want or what I think I deserve, or be cheated out of something that I act exactly like that and it pervades my consciousness and therefore the interactions in my life. 



Yesterday, my heart opened a little wider.  Maybe someday, we'll all get what we think we need.  Or realize we have exactly what we need right now.

Peace & Blessings to you all. 

Moon Days - A Yoga Holiday

In my own practice or my own experience of life, I've noticed, perhaps a coincidence or not, that when the moon is full things happen.  When I worked as a waitress on the Full Moon, we would know that there would be unusual circumstances and unusual people.  People would come in and we'd be quite convinced that perhaps they came from another universe.  It would be people that we never saw before and never would see again.  

In the Ashtanga tradition, there is no practice on Full or New Moon days.  The theory behind Full moon is that the gravitational pull is stronger and we are affected by this pull, in ways of being less grounded, more headstrong.  On New Moons, our energy is lower.  As I don't always pay attention to my inner signals, this year I may pay attention to these days and perhaps not practice if that opportunity avails itself to me.  But as tomorrow brings two classes to teach in the morning, I may pay attention to my students and see if any of this corresponds.

As we approach the Winter Solstice, which also coincides with a lunar eclipse, I wonder what things may come.  The next 48 hours should be enlightening....

The big unknown

I had a friend pass recently, unexpectedly to everyone except for him.  In the days preceding his death, he passed along a box to a neighbor saying if he didn't make it back give it to his family.  When friends went out to his car to get it in the parking lot, all of his vehicle titles were on the front seat.  His home was in complete order, except for his storage buildings which are apparently a complete mess.  He was a pack-rat, had multiple items that he had picked up for free or nearly free and had a lot that he had given away but a lot that he kept.  He was known for getting amazing deals on everything.  He had given me (2) toasters at one time, I think he had six of them.  So in cleaning out the outbuildings, his family and friends are finding an abundance of stuff, all crammed in with other things that are possibly important.  Which is, post-humorously, humorous.  As though he left everything important and the rest to give his family and close friends a good laugh. Including leaving the toilet clogged, knowing his best friend would have to unclog it.

We all have different beliefs and faiths about life after death.  We have different thoughts and these get tested when someone close to us passes.  We question ourselves, our beliefs and in our mourning and loss, ponder our own existence.  Where will we really go when we're gone and is there anything beyond this carbon-based existence. 

My friend was an athiest.  He had had prior poor experiences with various religions that made him not belief in anything.  Which, in my opinion, is a beautiful place to be.  When given the choices of junk, choose none of it.  We had conversations.  One of the ideas that he liked that I shared is that the universe has an order to it.  There is an order that alludes to the possibility of an intelligence behind that order.  My astronomy teacher had said that when we looked at the stars and the heavens and how math and physics play such a huge part in our ability to see that far.  As we evolve in our knowledge and consciousness and see outside of this planet, exploring beyond our own boundaries and borders, both physically and spiritually, we continue this evolution. 
The more we try to define and categorize, the more our definitions and categories will define us and then eventually become obsolete.  Can I continue to look at the world with awe and wonder, reaching beyond what I know and giving in to the possibilities?  The unknown. 

Death is the big unknown.  It is the very thing that we will all have to contend with.  The experience that at this point, we can't share with others on the physical plane.  Or so most of us think.  As the days and weeks go one, I will be listening for those things that can't be verified but may very well be my friend communicating with us from the great beyond.  Or maybe there will be none.  

So my message although not entirely original is this "So long Wade and thanks for all the toasters..."