This one was actually funny too. Funny after I woke up. So I'm in a room filled with my teacher's students and my teacher turns over the class to me. I then revert back to a sequence I was taught somewhere else, and when I look around, half the room left and the rest were apathetic to say the least about continuing the class. When I looked to my teacher, he just shrugged. So we all called it a day and left, like we had better things to do.
I am at this in between phase. This phase where, I'm releasing things from past ideas and accepting new ones. And questioning what I've learned so far. What I am is more discerning. And listening more to intuition rather than blind adherence.
The ancients learned from their gurus. The teacher-student model is how yogis were passed information and learned under direct supervision. We don't always do that now. In fact, it took me almost 9 years of practice before I found my guru, primarily because I hate the term guru. Actually sneered at it. Thought it was ridiculous and could even lead into a situation where one could be taken advantage of. It wasn't until I took a class with my teacher, and he saw things about me, observed, and took me into a posture that I hadn't experienced before, but my body was ready for that I realized what that dynamic really is all about. The careful observation that as a student, I can't see from the inside out. And the wisdom and knowledge of that teacher to be able to discern whether or not I was ready to do that and how to approach that posture.
I began to appreciate his knowledge from that point on. It's been over the last two years of more intensive study with him that I have figured out that you can't get this kind of knowledge in a few years. Daily practice and observation is great but without a person that has been down the road for now just a few years, but decades is priceless. But beyond asana practice, which is only 1/8th of the practice of yoga, having the person who knows the philosophy and history and can share this information in a way that makes it a discovery, something new and fresh but also accessible. When my teacher talks about these things, there's a light that goes on and it's exciting to him. He wants to hear what his students think about it and facilitates great discussions about these things like the yamas and niyamas. So it's not just words on a paper or a commandment handed down.
So back to this dream. If I had to interpret it would be what am I hanging onto about this first experience in learning to teach and what can I let go of about it? What am I resisting about integrating this new way of teaching or even in my own practice? And the apathy part: asana practice, without intention, without philosophy is just aerobics. And some people want that. But eventually, it stops working for some people. Especially when you have an injury and can't do the practice that you're used to doing. Hmmm......