A large majority of my time is spent undoing some of my thinking and the subsequent feelings that arise out of that thinking. Lets call it the self-centered wheel. It's mostly comprised of cynical thoughts from feelings of frustration and inadequacy and it loops forever. Until I get to a "present moment" place of here and now and what's going on now. Then I can attach to happy and joy and get out of the wheel. Sometimes.
Last Monday night, I married my friend. And what I can describe adequately as one of the best days of my life. Yes, there were moments where things weren't quite right. But overall, everything was perfect, everyone had a good time and all the planning, cajoling, hysteria went away for this perfect evening. I followed some friends advice and let it all go. I took that moment that Kevin walked up to get me to walk up the aisle and looked at him and knew this was all about us and our love for each other. And that we chose to be with each other. And that it wasn't forever. Life is finite, it can all end tomorrow with a car accident. I remember everything, I remember each moment, and I had the best time!
It is a beautiful thing. And I have been feeling and surrounded by this love from everyone. I have yet to experience something like this and now in this feeling, in this breath, in this time I have right now, I'm choosing to stay here. In the love. In the joy. In the peace. For as long as I can.